And that it’s too late to fix it.
You don’t want to be friends with me. You have no interest in who I am, what I do, what I can bring to your life.
That’s fine, really! It’s not like I’ve been trying for a while to get through to you.
I’ll just stop, though. Like, what’s the point in continuously hurting myself if it’s not bringing you any benefit either?
There just isn’t any. So don’t worry, I won’t try texting or talking to you any more :)
If you’re suddenly interested in trying just as much as I have been, let me know. I’ll see how I feel.
but come on. I would be there for every single one of you. I would be interested in pursuing a friendship with almost everyone I know.
Yet no one can start a conversation with me. No one has me as their first choice to spend time with. If someone talks to me, it’s to talk about their lives. And I nod and smile and react, but when comes time for me to speak about my feelings, my emotions, my life, who’s there to listen? I have maybe… two people I can think of? No more than three. And that’s pretty sad, considering the amount of people I’ve supported through problems big and small.
I keep telling myself to stay away and let people pursue me if they’re interested in having a simple chat, but I can’t do it. I’m just so eager with people, I keep hoping that today will be the day that they’ll finally warm up to me and want to put just as much effort into our friendship that I’ve been willing to make since the start.
But that day never comes. And I’m stuck in a world of fakes, of people who are polite just to seem good to the eyes of others. But if everyone spoke their mind without censors, I bet you most of my friends would probably admit that they don’t even like me that much.
And that hurts.
I can’t be there for you right now, I’m so far away. But I just want you to know that you’re beautiful and wonderful. No matter what’s going on, never forget that what I say is true not only in my eyes, but in the eyes of everyone around you. Please stay strong, it hurts me to know that you’re hurt. And if I could, I’d carry the weight you carry on your shoulders for a while, to give you a break, because we both know you need one.
You will be okay.
I don’t know how it happened. It doesn’t make sense, really. Maybe because I feel like I can relate so much to what’s going on with you.
But it’s not good that this is happening because it is hurting me daily and I get a pang in my chest when I think of it, think of you.
And then that pang makes me sad, so sad, and I’m left here, sitting in my room wondering how things could ever be different.
And you’re just sitting in yours and I never cross your mind for a second. Never.
I wish you knew just how useless and unwanted that makes me feel.
And the reason may not make sense to you, it doesn’t even make sense to me. But I just feel so so sad, and so useless, and I just wish I could help. But I can’t. You won’t let me. And every time it honestly breaks my heart.
You’re not the only one who’s broken.